Damn, I hate to keep harping on this like a lame little fanboy, but I'm just really pissed now. Please allow me to dork out what I hope is one final time.

I've always been more of a fan of horror movies than sci-fi in general, but the Alien movies just nailed both (at least the first two). In the first, we have a pretty realistic looking future. The crew of the Nostromo isn't some group of interstellar adventurers, they're just some schmucks manning a cargo vessel who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time. The second movie throws some marines into the mix so we get all kinds of bad-ass weaponry and vehicles to boot. I won't say much about Alien 3, because I haven't seen it again since it was in the theaters. I do remember being mildly upset that they went back to the single alien thing. I greatly preferred the big battles of Aliens, and particularly liked the fact that you got to see into an alien's nest.

No, the Predator movies were not quite as cool as the Alien movies, but at least the first one was pretty bad-ass. Jesse Ventura with his chain-gun, Carl Weathers' arm getting blown off, Arnold able to outrun a nuclear explosion... The movie had some value. I also won't be the first to point out that this movie spawned two governorships. Did you know that Carl Weathers' appearance on Arrested Development is actually his first feelers for his own political run? It's true!

Then there were the comics. Dark Horse decided that Aliens and Predators are two great tastes that taste great together, and published several series of comics bringing the two franchises together. I guess that these comics inspired screenwriter Peter Briggs to write a screenplay for an Alien vs. Predator movie. (Briggs went on to write the screen play for this year's Hellboy.) He sold it quickly to Fox, and that got this project started. Of course, this was 1991, when a crossover of these series might have made a bit more sense.

Flash forward eleven years. Apparently the studio realizes there is money to be made by pulling these old franchises off the shelf, so they revive the project, giving it to Paul W.S. Anderson, the auteur that brought us such cinematic gems as Resident Evil and Soldier.

I remember hearing about this, but just being happy the movie was finally going to be made after over ten years of rumors. Later, when I learned that the movie was going to be set in present day Antarctica, I got a bit less enthusiastic. When I heard about the pyramid that reconfigures itself every ten minutes, I resigned myself to going to see this movie with the same sense of fan boy duty that brought me to Star Wars II, and will bring me to Star Wars III as well. Maybe it will surprise me and actually be decent.

The best I can say about the movie is that they went back to animatronics, for the most part. I've always thought models looked better than CGI, and some of the effects in Alien vs. Predator were certainly better than in Alien: Resurrection. But the story was just god-awful. Predators used to come to Earth to hunt. They used to be worshiped as gods. There's plenty of exposition by an archaeologist who can magically translate hieroglyphics into perfect english, which I think is about my least favorite story device ever.

Ugh. It wasn't good. Well, what did I expect. At least I had appropriately lowered my expectations, and didn't get too pissed after seeing the movie. Until now, that is. Yesterday, I found an article over at Ain't it Cool news about Paul W.S. Anderson complaining that the studio ruined his vision of the movie. Sorry buddy, that isn't going to fly. I see you have writing credit on that, and just the very concept of the movie is wrong. This should have been set in about the same timeline as the other Alien movies.

As a matter of fact, the AICN story links to this interview with Peter Briggs at Bloody Disgusting, a horror movie news site. In the interview, Briggs discusses his version of the script, what he thought about Anderson's version:

I came out of the cinema (from "A vs P") afterwards, and I felt... I don't know. Empty. Depressed, actually. I thought: "you know, I've been championing this thing for 13 years...and what a sterile letdown. Why did I bother?" It was interesting. I thought about going off and getting very drunk, but just went home and read a book instead.

Even that wasn't really enough to get me too upset. I suppose I'm used to sequels sucking and franchises going downhill over time. People who don't understand the material write scripts for sequels, feel the need to put their stamp on the mythology, and the overall franchise is diluted. This happens. Unfortunately, the Bloody Disgusting also linked to this, the original version the Alien vs. Predator script that Briggs wrote back in the early '90s. That just got me pissed.

You're trying to tell me that Fox has had this script in their possession since 1991 and this is what they made? It's just inexcusable. Briggs script is perfect. It has everything: cool weapons, an alien nest, cool vehicle chases, the claustrophobia of Aliens, an interesting Predator character, and freaking ninjas. FREAKING NINJAS!

If you liked the alien movies, whatever you do, don't start reading this script. It'll suck you in, and you'll end up having to finish it. My biggest complaint would be some of the overly flowery stage description (the facehugger EXPLODES out of the egg, screaming towards Gutierrez!), but the dialogue is crisp for the most part, and the story makes sense. It's almost like what would have been going on in Aliens as the colony was first being overrun by the Aliens, before the Marines arrived, but predators are around on a hunt as well. Damn, it's good.

Which makes me hate Paul Anderson's piece of crap all that much more. To think they actually scrapped this script to make that shit-pile. Somebody at Fox needs to lose their job over that.

OK, that's it for this dorky-ass rant. I won't mention another thing about this until Robocop vs. Terminator vs. Alien starts production in 2009.

At this point, I think that anybody who wants one has one, but I'll ask just in case.

I just got six more gmail invitations. If anybody wants one, let me know by emailing gimpgimpson (at) yahoo (dot) com. I just need your first and last name and an email address I can send the invitation to.

Less than two weeks left until the season kicks off next Thursday with Indianapolis vs. New England. Expect more posting here as there will soon actually be something important to post about.

This has been a brutal, ugly preseason for the Pack. This weekend's game against Jacksonville provided the first and only offensive touchdown of the preseason, a nice fifty-two yard Favre to Robert Ferguson pass. Tim Couch, now fighting for the number three quarterback slot, did not even play in Friday's game.

Pass coverage has been pretty atrocious. I find myself reluctantly hoping that McKenzie ends his holdout and comes back into the fold. I had high hopes for former Razorback cornerback Ahmad Carroll, but I've been seeing him either called for interference due to the new contact rule enforcement, or just getting straight up burned by receivers. In his defense, the commentators in last weekend's game did say that a lot more single coverage is being called so the coaches can see how the corners can handle it, but the fact is it looks like Carroll is not handling it well. He is a rookie, hopefully he will improve.

I was very impressed by new safety Mark Roman. I saw him get a monster hit on a Jacksonville receiver, causing him to drop a pass that he otherwise would have caught. The pass rush seems to have improved a bit at times, but there are still far too many plays where the quarterback has more time than he should to make a play. I will give props to the defense for not giving up a touchdown in this season's game.

Also, Fantasy Football draft season began this week. We had the draft for my pals this weekend, and it marks the first team I've had without drafting a single Packer. Perhaps my pals poached the Packers hoping they could get insane trades from me. So, who's willing to trade Javon Walker for Priest Holmes? Any takers?

Yes, I'm back up now. If you want the story, here it is:

Last Thursday I woke up in the morning to find our internet connection out. I was leaving directly after work for a weekend in Chicago and Wisconsin, so I called the cable company and told them the connection was down. They weren't able to see my modem, so they said they'd have to dispatch a tech to look at the wiring. Since the roommate was also going to be out of town, I told them to do that and check the outside wiring, but that nobody would be able to check anything inside until Monday.

So I went out of town for the weekend. When I got back Monday night, the connection was working again, but Gimpysoft's web server had received a new IP address. Unfortunately, my password with my DNS provider had expired. The only email addresses they have for me are my gimpysoft.com email address, no longer working because the IP of the mail server has changed, and an email address from a previous job that is also no longer working. So I have no way to get my DNS provider to change my password so I can update my DNS record.

I get in touch with tech support for my DNS provider (ZoneEdit... They kick ass...), but they (understandably) won't reset my password without some verification that I am the person who owns the domain. They say they'll reset my password if I update my whois record to a current email address.

So off to Network Solutions I go. They also have two outdated email addresses, but they have a method to change my email address without knowing my password. I fax them a form, a photocopy of my drivers license, and a current utility bill (my DL has an outdated address, and they have an even more outdated address on file), and they change the email address on my account. With that changed, I reset my password with Network Solutions, update my info with them, and email ZoneEdit. They reset my password and send it to my public email address. I log in, update my information with ZoneEdit, and finally update Gimpysoft's IP address.

Whew. So I'm back up, and you can look forward to more sporadic posts from me. Enjoy.

I am a whore. If HBO produces an original series, I will watch it. So what's been going on lately?

Six Feet Under has been pretty good this season. Bi-curious Claire (what a damn tease...), David really gets shit on, Brenda's still fucked up (go figure), Rico's a complete idiot, and Ruth discovers that maybe marrying George after two weeks wasn't the best idea.

I've also been watching the reairing of the second season of The Wire, and it is exactly as good as I've heard it was from many places. I love the fact that there are interesting characters in just about every level of both the criminal and police organizations. Last week's episode had two street dealers being laid off because one of the heroin rings in town can't get good shit.

You've got good cops, political cops who care more about career advancement than about actually solving cases (a lot of that), a corrupt but basically well meaning union boss, and drug kingpins trying to run their operation like a business. I hesitate to call the show realistic, because what do I know about law enforcement or the drug trade, but I'd definitely call the show believable. Also, I'll definitely be watching the third season when it comes back in September. I'll also have to rent the first season, which comes out on DVD around the same time.

Entourage: Meh. I watched the first ten minutes of the premiere, but I was pretty sure from the commercials that I wasn't going to like that one.

So what's on tap for this fall? According to MSNBC the two main shows are going to be The Wire Season 3 and Carnivalé Season 2. I'll take Carnivalé, but I'm a sucker for anything a little odd, particularly if it has Michael J. Anderson in it.

It'll be nice to have Scrubs back, but that's about all I can think of on the networks that I'll be watching. Maybe I should get back into ER... I was watching that sporadically in the Spring. Some of the moralistic stuff seemed a bit heavy handed, Dr. Weaver's custody battle for her son in particular. Every time they're in that plot line, I feel like there should be captions on the screen reading "SEE!!! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE!!!" OK, OK! I'm on your side! I guess it is nice that we're seeing what that fight is actually about, and I'm sure this sort of stuff does happen, but again, it just seems a bit heavy handed.

While doing research (ha!) for my previous post, I came across this site.

Hallelujah Acres... Home of the bible-based Hallelujah Diet&sm;:

The Hallelujah Dietsm is a long-term lifestyle plan, based on God's original instructions to mankind in Genesis 1:29, that emphasizes the importance of raw, living plant foods and their juices. Since the body is made up of living cells, it needs living food at the cellular level. The Hallelujah Dietsm is designed to maximize the amount of vital nutrients that reach the body's many cells. When the body is given the resources and conditions that it needs, it is able to maximize the built-in healing power given by the Creator.

Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you." (Genesis 1:29)

You must avoid: Meat, Dairy, Salt, Sugar, White Flour, Drugs

These foods had caused me to have serious teeth and gum problems, hemorrhoids, hypoglycemia, high blood pressure, severe sinus and allergy problems, frequent colds, headaches, pimples, body odor, dandruff, low energy . . . and colon cancer at age 42!

You must eat: Nothing But Raw Fruits and Vegetables.

In 1976, at age 42, I switched to a totally raw vegetarian / fruitarian diet with large amounts of freshly extracted vegetable juices. In fact, for one year, I never ate a piece of cooked food. During that year, not only did my colon cancer go away, but so did every other physical problem I had!

Screw that. Give me the heart attack, dandruff and eternal damnation.

Though it is one more week before the first Packers pre-season game, there is FOOTBALL on the TELEVISION this very NIGHT!

Also, if you don't have the NFL Network, you're missing out. They'll be showing every pre-season game this year.

Fire up your Tivos.

I really need to see this Garden State movie. I'm not sure how much creative input Zach Braff has on Scrubs, but he's so good in that show I'll definitely watch a movie he writes, directs and stars in. Also, check out Zach's Garden State blog here.

The movie also has the added bonus of Natalie Portman. It's says something that my opinion of her has actually dropped due to her involvement in the Star Wars Prequels. I'm not sure what it is that it says, but it definitely says something.

Trip to Chicago next week. Garden State is playing up there. That is now on the list of plans for Friday (pending the girlfriend's approval).

Capitalism has been kind of pissing me off lately.

Example #1: Last weekend I was out shopping for the sink top to finish up my bathroom remodel. I hit Home Depot and Lowes. I didn't find anything I liked at Home Depot, but found the one I liked at Lowes. I looked up and down the aisles for one I could take home, but was unable to locate it. So I went to the front of the plumbing department to try to ask a customer service guy if they had one in back. I waited for no less than 45 minutes before he was able to help me, and in that time he never once called for extra help, even though by the time I was being helped there were two people behind me waiting for help. From the time I spent walking around the store, I assume this is because there was nobody for him to call.

It's not just Lowes either, Home Depot is just as bad. From registers to specific departments, I usually expect to wait at least fifteen minutes any time I need to talk to someone, and more than once have walked out of the store empty handed because I didn't feel like waiting through the six deep lines in the two open registers.

It's not just home improvement stores either... Grocery stores seem to be just as bad. All our local grocery stores are putting in self checkout lanes. Now don't get me wrong, I love the self checkout. If I'm only buying a few items it's great to breeze past the long checkout lanes and get out of there. The times when you have a grocery cart full of non-barcoded produce the self checkout is more hassle than it's worth, and all the grocery stores with self checkout seem to take that as a license to only have two registers open, even at peak hours. Maybe I'm the only person who would be willing to pay a bit more for the convenience of sufficient checkers and retail staff, but you'd think that's a niche that could be filled.

Example #2: Blockbuster. Boy do these guys piss me off. I remember the days when there were independent video stores, and rentals didn't cost you $4 for a new release. That I won't bitch about too much, but I rented a game a couple of weeks ago. Last weekend I went to rent a movie and was told I had a $6.75 extended rental fee. Apparently the game was due back at noon on the ninth day, and I didn't return it until 4:30PM on the ninth day. Four and a half hours, six and three quarter dollars.

(Note that this is not a failure of the free market: There are alternatives out there. I just wanted once again to bitch about Blockbuster and state for the record that I won't be renting from them any more. I need to go re-sign up for Netflix now.)

Example #3: Ticketmaster. Jesus Christ on a crutch how do they still get away with this? I'm buying tickets to a concert in Chicago next week. Tickets: $15 x 2. Service charge: $5 x 2 + $4.75 "order processing fee". That's Ticketmaster service charges almost equal to the cost of another ticket, and that's only for the purchase of two. How does Ticketmaster get away with this? That's highway robbery, and you'd think any competitor could make a killing at half those charges. How does Ticketmaster continue to get away with this? I know some venues have exclusive deals with Ticketmaster, but why do they keep these deals? Are they getting a kickback from TM? Are the bands getting a cut?

Damn... I'm voting communist in November.

You know a team's fans are serious when a pre-preseason intrasquad scrimmage sells out the stadium.

Wow, you can get ginger wasabi everything...

Dressing, mustard, grilling marinade, or even chocolate.

I can't find ice cream, though.

It's finally happened. From The Onion's video reviews:

Knight Rider: Season One (Universal) (Buy It!). Really, what more needs to be said? Okay, how about this: It's "a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist."

Well that'll account for $49.18 of this paycheck.

I'm glad I'm not this guy:

In another roster move, the Packers placed tackle Brennan Curtin on the non-football illness list. Curtin is recovering from a staph infection after having a boil removed on his groin.

I consider that an acceptable excuse for missing some camp.

Note to self: Find out what the hell Chris Bray has been up to lately. He wrote a (good) article for Reason in February of 2002, but I haven't seen him around much lately.